Snakewise.net

A team of professors at MIT came up with what would be the most expeditious way to take over the world, in twenty easy-to-follow steps. Here they are:

1) Rinse thoroughly

2) Repeat

3) Construct rudimentary desert-dwelling mammals out of cantaloupes and other skin-bearing fruits.

4) Firmly fasten Richard Hamilton's mask to face and take hold of newly-birthed honeydew Emu.

4) Scold the Richard-Hamilton emu for not picking up the pieces of its new 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle with a picture of Boris Yeltsin's ankles

5) Realise that a) there are two step four's and reveal hindqaurters to Elle MacPherson in penance b) adopt the British spelling of the world "realize"

6) Realise that you are the brother of Jesus Christ, Herman Hernandez Christ, and also realise that you own a bmw dealership in malibu

7) Use your divine heritage to offer low, low 2.1% APR financing

Kill self, hoping to become resurrected in similar fashion to your brother and achieve world-domination from the spiritual realm.

9) Realise the futility of killing one's self, becoming increasingly annoyed by the grubs burrowing in your abdomen

10) Allow the annoyance to manifest in the form of Fran Drescher and use as one would an oversized mallet to play whack-a-mole.

11) Rise from the dead in the form of some bizarre worm-dirt monster and terrorize greater Malibu with your annoyance-mallet.

12) Buy a Plymouth Prowler with no money down from your former dealership.

13) Abandon your populous-terrorizing ways in lieu of cruising the boulevard for dirt-clad women

14) Realize that there are no dirt women in malibu, become so enraged that you revert to the American spelling of the word "realize"

15) Become overzealous and always use a 'z' when an 's' is appropriate.

16) Zneese furiouzly

17) Lunch with Jose Canseco's ant farm, rationing that earthworms may be just as good as dirt-clad women.

18) ultimately give up your quest for global domination, but gain a greater acceptance of your own life as a dirt monster living with an attractive but intelligent earthworm named Jenna

19) Self-righteously snicker to self upon naming first son "Jim".