TechFreep.com November 3, 2006
Posted by Mike Zazaian in "Real" News.add a comment
After a brief stint with snakewise, we closed up shop and moved over to TechFreep.com. It’s a completely different site with a completely different feel. But hey — we like it.
20 Steps to Global Domination April 20, 2006
Posted by Mike Zazaian in "Real" News.1 comment so far
A team of professors at MIT came up with what would be the most expeditious way to take over the world, in twenty easy-to-follow steps. Here they are:
1) Rinse thoroughly
2) Repeat
3) Construct rudimentary desert-dwelling mammals out of cantaloupes and other skin-bearing fruits.
4) Firmly fasten Richard Hamilton's mask to face and take hold of newly-birthed honeydew Emu.
4) Scold the Richard-Hamilton emu for not picking up the pieces of its new 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle with a picture of Boris Yeltsin's ankles
5) Realise that a) there are two step four's and reveal hindqaurters to Elle MacPherson in penance b) adopt the British spelling of the world "realize"
6) Realise that you are the brother of Jesus Christ, Herman Hernandez Christ, and also realise that you own a bmw dealership in malibu
7) Use your divine heritage to offer low, low 2.1% APR financing
8) Kill self, hoping to become resurrected in similar fashion to your brother and achieve world-domination from the spiritual realm.
9) Realise the futility of killing one's self, becoming increasingly annoyed by the grubs burrowing in your abdomen
10) Allow the annoyance to manifest in the form of Fran Drescher and use as one would an oversized mallet to play whack-a-mole.
11) Rise from the dead in the form of some bizarre worm-dirt monster and terrorize greater Malibu with your annoyance-mallet.
12) Buy a Plymouth Prowler with no money down from your former dealership.
13) Abandon your populous-terrorizing ways in lieu of cruising the boulevard for dirt-clad women
14) Realize that there are no dirt women in malibu, become so enraged that you revert to the American spelling of the word "realize"
15) Become overzealous and always use a 'z' when an 's' is appropriate.
16) Zneese furiouzly
17) Lunch with Jose Canseco's ant farm, rationing that earthworms may be just as good as dirt-clad women.
18) ultimately give up your quest for global domination, but gain a greater acceptance of your own life as a dirt monster living with an attractive but intelligent earthworm named Jenna
19) Self-righteously snicker to self upon naming first son "Jim".
Why Nintendo’s “Revolution” Will be Just That April 12, 2006
Posted by Mike Zazaian in Tech 'n' Stuff.2 comments

The Xbox 360 was released in November, and at the time I was sure that this next generation of gaming was sure to be nothing more than a graphically superior extension to the current one. Microsoft promised Xbox 360, Sony its Playstation 3, and it seemed that the only innovations offered were new memory options, faster processors, and updated controllers. Besides that, the systems would be virtually the same. So much so, in fact, that one would be able to play a game on these consoles and have nearly the same gaming experience as playing the same game on its predecessor. Of course the graphics would be improved, and surely this opens the doors for a whole new way of looking at these worlds, but the interaction with them would remain virtually identical.
It seemed like an ill omen that prospective buyers were more concerned with floating point performance and teraflops than actual games when the system specs for 360 and PS3 were leaked back in July 2005. Along with the 360 and the PS3 spec leak, Nintendo leaked its specifications for its new "Revolution," a plain white box reminiscent of a cd-drive turned on its side. Whereas the PS3 and Xbox 360 looked more like compact computers, the Revolution looked as if you couldn't fit so much as a hard drive inside, which you couldn't. Then there was the matter of the Revolution's controller, more resembling a multi-function TV remote than a traditional game pad. This was received by prospective buyers as a threat to the current gaming experience. It seemed that the Revolution promised a slower, less versatile, less graphically pleasing, and less manually familiar gaming experience than even the Game Cube had delivered. But this initial impression couldn't have been further from the truth.
By the end of the Spec frenzy in July 2005, Nintendo's Revolution was at the bottom of the barrel. But without the flashy specs and pre-rendered eye candy Nintendo's Revolution was judged prematurely. That TV-remote controller thing? It's primary function is to indicate where on the screen it's being pointed. Nintendo has broken out of the box with its new interactive offering, allowing the player's actual motions to dictate the actions on screen. There's still a direction pad, but it'll be used for more secondary functions. The implications here are just limitless. Games that were impossibly useless or silly in the past can now be enjoyable simply by virtue of their interactivity. Fishing games, hunting games, games where you, I don't know, pet your cat, these games, as mundane as they may sound, offer a long overdue revision of the up, down, up, down, left, right, left, right, A, B, A, B, select, start mentality that we've grown so accustomed to in gaming. And really, it is this mentality that has alienated those who aren't fanatically devoted to it.
And the best part is, you don't have to be a "Gamer" to enjoy the Revolution. Part of Nintendo's strategy with this release was to make the controller something that is more familiar to non-gamers and older people who didn't grow along with the gaming boom. Something that non-gamers could pick up and feel comfortable using. It already seems like a more casual gaming experience as well, one in which players won't succeed or fail based on the rapidity with which they smash the A button.
Nintendo has done with the Revolution what they've always done will continue to do with gaming; they've innovated not only what we see the games but what we're able to do with them. How fun and imagination can be stretched by changing the experience in ways beyond putting and extra seven cores into the system's processor. Frankly, I wasn't planning on getting an Xbox 360, at least, not unless I found myself bored one Summer with a wad of extra cash burning a hole in my pocket. But, to be honest, I'm a little juiced about the Revolution. When I first read about it I felt re-energized about video games in a way that I don't think I'd felt since I first played the NES when I was a little kid. But to be fair, the Revolution promises a whole new way to look at gaming, and it may just change the industry in the same way the NES did.
Did I mention the price tag? Speculatively, $199. Which, in a time when a $399 Xbox 360 and a tentatively $600+ PS3 are king, sounds like a slice of heaven. Nintendo's definately hit the spot on this one. All we have to do now is wait until Thanksgiving, and hope that world economies don't tank when born again gamers get addicted to kicking turtles at Bowser in Super Mario Revolution.
For more information on Nintendo's Revolution check out this in-depth report from Gamespot, complete with videos and whatnot.
Camino: An Alternative to Safari April 9, 2006
Posted by Mike Zazaian in Tech 'n' Stuff.1 comment so far
Here's an interesting article for all you Mac users out there. There's a great deal of brand loyalty amongst Mac users, and with it comes a devotion to OS X's native browser, Safari.
Generally there's some hesitance about using Firefox on Macs because it's ported from Windows, and to some degree this is a legitimate concern. Firefox's loading times tend to lag a bit on Macs, especially on older machines, with everything from booting to displaying text. However, Firefox's expandability and extensioning systems simply leave Safari in the dust.
Luckily Mozilla has, under the radar, developed Camino, programmed specifically for Max OS X. Camino uses the same Gecko engine that Firefox and Mozilla are based on, as opposed to Safari, which is based on the open-source browser engine KHTML, the engine on which KDE's native browser, Konqueror is based.
Both Safari and Konquerer are notorious for rendering problems with newer coding languages, especially CSS and XHTML. These problems vanish with Camino, and while it doesn't have the same laundry list of extensions that Firefox has, it does have some very useful ones, and maintains the speed and usability of Safari, while bringing all aspects of the browsing experience to the next level. Give the article a look see, OS X users, and give Camino a try. If nothing else, you can re-affirm the home of the little blue compass on your desktop.
Brain-Eating Bovines Invade Texas, Die of Starvation April 3, 2006
Posted by Mike Zazaian in Headlines.2 comments
Construction Workers Unearth Chevy Chase’s Career; “Fletch 8: Dead and Mildly Content With It” Tanks in Opening Weekend April 3, 2006
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Photo by Mandi Wright / Detroit Free Press
Child Ventures into Narnia to Retrieve Heart of Mr. Tumnus for Show and Tell; Positive Class Reaction Triggers Unforseen Goat-Centaur Fad in Middle America April 3, 2006
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Photo by Beth Nakamura / The Oregonian
Rare Photos of Washington Crossing Delaware Unearthed; Historians Baffled, Declare Washington “More Hispanic” Than Once Thought April 3, 2006
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Photo by Fredrick D. Joe / The Oregonian
Insane hairstylist Ani Lenta began to speak in tongues when her cat “Slobo” ran away. April 2, 2006
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Big Bird Gunned Down by Mysterious Elephant-Shaped Poacher, Made into Flamboyant Costume; Snufalupagus’ “I Was Hanging Out At Oscar’s Place” Alibi Confirmed, Dick Cheney Named Primary Suspect April 1, 2006
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Photo by David Quinn / Associated Press
